I've been quite busy visiting and talking and praying with my brother Cards. Yesterday's vote brought a huge surprize that, frankly, forced me to reconsider the manner in which I am approaching this conclave.
Following the vote yesterday, the Suspicious Ones, announced the tally. You cannot begin to imagine my amazement that I, your humble and obedient servant, Xelli managed to garner a small handful of votes.
Where this all came from, I cannot be certain. Under penalty of excommunication, I cannot give the exact vote, however, the count gave me enough cred that some of the others are buddying up to me. Even old Ratzinger, the disdain for whom I can barely contain, offered me his dinner roll at supper. "Would you like my crescent, old friend?" he asked. "I'm on Atkins and the pasta alone is going to bring me down." I declined, of course. I cannot afford to be beholding to anyone if the miraculous should occur and I become the next Pope.
I guess I should start thinking about a name; just in case. I cannot be John Paul 3, that would be too bland, to repetitive; half the Catholics in the world have never known a pope named anything else. We've got to give them something to get excited about.
I've narrowed it down to a couple...
Pope Mel - in respect for the cinematic auteur Mel Gibson whose vision of the passion of the Christ brought pain and upset to millions.
Pope Iel - in respect for Ron Popiel, whose Pocket Fisherman, Dice-o-Matic and other products have improved life inside and outside the home for millions....
My top choice right now, though, has to be Pope George Bush, in honor of the man who is singlehandedly restoring Christianity to its rightful place as the "official" religion of the most powerful country in the world.
During our discussions yesterday, I spotted two Cards. wearing Ipods. One can only wonder what 10,000 hymns they have packed it up with. At least most of them are in the public domain so there isn't much worry about the RIAA going after them. I wonder... would we allow a sheriff in to serve papers on one of our kind? The doors are sealed (sort of) (metaphorically).
As you can see from yesterday's news, I'm apparently not the only one who has difficulty keeping the smoke coloring straight in my mind. The burning committee apparently went back and forth over the wet straw question. From the few media accounts we have received, there was much confusion in the square over the smoke color.
Must run now...I have to put my campaign brochure on all of the desks in the hall. Luckily there is a color copier in the building.
In the name of all that is good and Christly,
In the name of the providence of God, our father.
In the name of the spirit, wind of truth on the wings of a dove.